The Land Unknown Abridged

Witness the birth of a over-used trend-setter.

The Story

Chapter 1- The Wild New World

Van Space Flight

• Icky: "DAMN IT GILDA, LOVE ME WOMAN?!"
• Gilda: "NOT EVEN IF WE GET TRAPPED IN ANOTHER UNITED UNIVERSE?!"
• Mr. Dodo: We're being sucked into another black hole portal!
• Lougers scream!
• Gilda: I'LL KILL YOU, KARMA FAIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!
• Black hole portal sucks van inside.

Looney Tunes Merry-Go-Round Broke Down Played: The End...

• (Record Scratch) OKAY OKAY, THAT DIDN'T REALLY HAPPEN!!!

2 hours later...

• Everyone: (Black hole's other side spits them out, and the van ricochets to a strange planet) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH! (CRASH!)
• Kolwalski: "WE'RE IN ANOTHER UNITED UNIVERSES!!"
• Icky: (Jaws drop)..... I'm very cartoony.
• Sandy: Did you say...'Another UUniverses'?
• A large new species of animal walks near them.
• Dr. Cockroach: It's an undiscovered spieces of dinosaur not reckindiseable to modern science.
• Kowalski: It's a Monacosaur. A magnifisent beast indeed.
• Lord Shen: LET'S KILL IT, BECAUSE WE STILL DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER!!
• Lord Shen fires his cannon and grosomely blows up the Monacosaur
• Savio: Alright! We get to eat!
• Shenzi: I CALL DIBS ON THE HEART!
• Banzai: Man! You ALWAYS call dibs on the heart!
• Savio: SAVE THE JUICIER MEAT FOR ME! (The Hyenas and Savio eat the meat of the lizard)
• Iago: Carnivores! Oy-vey.
• Icky: (Eating a piece of meat from the lizard) This meat tastes like Pizza and I love it. Want some, Gilda?
• Gilda: (Disgusted by the bloody chunk of flesh from the animal, and nearly barfs) Ugh! NO!
• A female scream is heard
• Po: "TO THE RESCUE EVEN THOUGH WE PROBULY SHOULDN'T GET INVOLVED?!"

Forest Clearing

• Unknown Warrior: (A female armed snake similar to Viper but with a 3rd eye was slithering away from a salamander-like creature with a weird gun, dark armor, a black mask, and riding a giant ostrich-like bird. The snake trips, and looks in horror at her pursuer, which hops off the bird) I'm a clear bad guy and I'm here to do bad things.
• Po: HEY! (The Warrior looks at the direction of the voice, and sees Po tired)... (Pants)....  Very predictable fat joke..... (Continues panting)
• Warrior: I am very clearly confused of who you guys are!
• Po: We're heroes from another world you likely have never heard off!
• Warrior: Yeah no shit, you don't look like anything I would've known of.
• Po: "Why do you want that freakishly armed snake!"
• Warrior: "None of your shitty business! (Boss Wolf takes away the warrior's gun, and effortlessly breaks it in half) WHAT THE FUCK!"
• Boss Wolf: YEAH! I'm for some reason herculian even though that may not nessersarly be canon in Kung Fu Panda Lore.
• Warrior: RUNNING NOW! (Hops back on the giant bird, and rides it away)
• Icky: Bitch! (The snake Emperess was in fear and disbelief of what just saved her)
• Empress: What... the fuck? (Sandy walks up and offers the Emperess a helping hand)
• Sandy: It's okay, miss OC character who looks like Viper but as an abomination, we're friends.
• Emperess: I'm gonna have to assume that to be true even though I should actselly be more scared of you then grateful.
• Icky: "We're here to resolve your problem."
• Empress: "Okay."

Concentration Camp

• The Warrior: "SIR, WE GOT OTHERWORLDLY ALIENS?!"
• Crush: "HOLY SHIT?! (Calls Xerxes) SIR, WE GOT OTHERWORLDLY INVADERS?!"
• Xerxes: "RECK THEIR SHIT UP?!

Chapter 2- Buckling City

Buckling City, Troubiathe

• Serpentos: Welcome to Bucking City.
• The Meta Soldiers attack!
• Icky: "HOLY SHIT, MAYBE INTERFEARING WAS A BAD IDEA?!"
• Sandy: I'M GONNA WRECK THEIR SHIT?! (Snatches disintegration gun from Metavincemander)
• MVM Soldier: OH SHI- (Sandy disintegrates him with the gun, climbs up to the top of a building, and aims for the crystal statue about 3 blocks away, and fires. The disintegration laser bounces across the inside of the crystal statue, and a dozen lasers target all the Metavincemander, disintegrating them)
• Sandy: "And that's how we do it in Texas!" (All sea-squirrels cheer for the Lodgers)
• Xandy: (Hiding).... I'm gonna be a stample of this series. (Zooms off)
• Gilda: I'm gonna deside to wrecklessly wonder off even when we established that there's killer space salamanders around. (Flies off)

Forest

• Gilda gets captured.
• Gilda: "...... Fuck."

Chapter 3- Realms at War

Hydrocabiais Saloon

• Everyone was getting drunked and being marry.
• Po: Say, has anyone seen Gilda?
• Tigress: (Appears) Gilda and the Van got captured!
• Lougers: "OH SHIT?!"
• Icky: WE HAVE TO SAVE MAH GILDA?!
• Serpentos: Your gonna need Xandy for that shit.
• Squidward: Let's go!

(Search Mode)

Cause This is Filler! Filler Night! ( From the Nostalgia Critic Casper review)

Chapter 4- Xandy to the Rescue

Abandoned City

• Serpentos: (Looks at a sign that says 'Welcome to Zaono City') I forget that this city was shit.
• Patrick: "Let's go in anyway."

Later...

• Serpentos: "Let's enter that decrepted unsafe building for no exactly useful reason other than to introduce some world-building!
• They all enter Globex building.

Globex Lab

• They fooling around with old weapon shit until some armored Metavincemander Soldiers burst through the glass windows armed with disintegration rifles and other kinds of weapons!
• MVM Soldier: FREEZE, MOTHA FUCKAS! (The entire gang is surrounded by the soldiers)
• Xandy: HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! (Jumps through a broken window, and into the middle of the room holding a golden katana)
• MVM Soldier #2: It's that sniveling sea squirrel! And weird we know how to say that since Squirls are non-existent here! Don't you just love first season nonsense? It's no wonder this episode got remade once or twice. Kill her!
• Xandy: (Fights with incredible reflexes, taking down the non-armored soldiers, and making the armored ones accidentally shoot each other)
• Xandy: (Takes out a blaster gun) COOL GUN STUFF!
• Gun Voice: (Gun lights up) COOL GUN STUFF YOU WISH YOU HAD, MUTHAFUCKA! (She fires and kills 6 armored soldiers, and the others fire disintegration pistols, and Xandy dodges them in slow mo, and lands on her feet)
• Xandy: MORE COOL GUN STUFF!
• Gun Voice: (Lights up) MORE COOL GUN STUFF! YOU KNOW YOU GETTIN' A GUN BONER!! (Xandy fires a grenade from the gun, and it blows a few other soldiers to bits)
• Po: That was excessively violent for a kid's show!
• MVM Soldier #1: FUCK THIS SHIT WE'RE OUT?! (They all hop back into their dropships, and they take off)
• Xandy: (Blows the smoke off her blaster, puts it away, and faces the Shell Lodgers)...... S'up? Want some help kicking Xerxes' butt?
• Sandy: "Yes obvious love letter to me by MSM in his furry days."
• Xandy: Okay.

Meanwhile...

• Gilda: (MVM Soldiers drive a large cargo van carrying the van, and a small convoy van holding Gilda, both being patrolled by 4 soldiers riding on giant flightless birds) YOU FUCKERS?!
• A wasp woman appears!
• Wasp Woman: HEY, ANOTHER FUTURE SERIES STAPLE HERE?!
• Gilda: AW FUCK, A JAPANESE MAN'S WORSE NIGHTMARE?!
• Wasp Woman: I'm actselly friendly and a good psyciatrist.
• A touching conversation later.
• MVM Soldier #2: Hey dude, check the weird bitch.
• MVM Soldier #1: Okie Dookie! (Leaves to check on Gilda, and Penelope stings him) YAAAOW! (Venom makes him swell up, and die)
• MVM Soldier #2: WHAT THE FUCK- (Penelope stings him) AAAAOOOWWCH! Aw man, I don't get to be a major player in thi- (Swells up and dies. Free from the van, Gilda and Penelope fight off the other soldiers, and they take off on the giant birds)
• Penelope: "I think this is a start of a beautiful friendship."

Chapter 5- The Fate of A Lord's Parents

A Hidden Sector in the Abandoned City

• Xandy: " (With a Batman mask and a dark voice) Xerxes fucked over my parents, so let's fucked him through a sacred propihcy!" (The music stopped as she took it off) Where'd this come from?
• Lord Shen: let's go!

Forest

• (The NC Filler Joke)

A Scorching Desert

• (Same Joke)

Palace of Xerxes XX

• (Still, the same joke.)

Chapter 6- The Search for The Chosen One

Hornopolis

• Both heroes arrived yet seperately.
• Icky: Wow, sounds like a name off of Craig's list!
• Everyone: WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAH!!!

Hornopolis Throne Room

• (A giant wasp is meditating, chanting anicent words until a guard came in)
• Queen: "Go to an anichent ruin."
• Both heroes (Still Seperately): "OKAY!"

Chapter 7- Temple of the Anacondorans

Ancient Anacondoran Ruins

• SpongeBob: (The ruins are similar to the Ruins of Rome, but are made of metal and are lined with conductive metals) Hey, we found the lost city of Boros Boros from Lego Ninjago.
• Spyro: Let's go in and hopefully not make shit worse. (All enter tunnel)
• Gilda: (She and Penelope arrive in ruins) Fianlly we find the place and-
• The Metasoldiers arrived in the dropship with Sgt. Crush and reinforcements!
• Penelope: SON OF THE BITCH?!
• MVM Soldier #2: WE'RE HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS AND MAKE SHIT NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED BECAUSE THAT'S HOW VILLAINS IN MSM'S EYES SHOULD BE?!
• Sgt. Crush: FUCK'EM UP?! (Penelope dodges gunfire which strikes several other MVM Soldiers) (In slow motion, Penelope flips several times and knocks out the guards holding Gilda)
• Gilda:..... I don't think we priorly established you were actrobatic.
• Penelope: It's a remake addition. But hey, it's badass.
• Gilda: ".... True, true."
• Sgt. Crush: METAS, GET IN THAT SHIT?! (All Metavincemanders attack)
• Penelope: Gilda, get to the lougers, I'll follow the plot and waste my time with these dipshits instead of helping you get there faster while at the risk of not detecting invisable elite soldiers!
• Gilda: Okay! (Runs down tunnel, and Penelope stings 2 MVM Soldiers before they can fire at her)

Elsewhere in the Temple

• NC: (Ear-rapey)FIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
• Icky: (With bleeding ear-holes) WE GET IT!!!

Other Side of Trap

• A big, purple, shiny diamond appears on a tomb.
• Serpentos: Yay, we found it before the bad guys!
• Gilda: Guys!
• Lougers: "YAY, GILDA'S BACK?!"
• Gilda: "Icky, I admit that I do actselly like you thanks to a kind wasp woman."
• Icky: YAY, I GOT A GIRLFRIEND?!
• Xandy: Anything impourent to the plot?
• Gilda: Oh, yeah! Guys, get that powerful plot macguffin out of here before-
• Arm. Soldier #6: (All soldiers point disintegration guns at gang while deactivating cloaking devices) Don't move, chumps! We're bad guys that are not really impourent to the plot and our absince wouldn't really change anything! We're here to reck your shit!
• Penelope: Gilda, I've taken care of the-..... FUCK?!
• Serpentos: Holy shit, your the choosen one even though I have just met you!
• Penelope: Neat.
• Arm. Soldier #1: (Arm. Soldier #7 gets the Diamond with gravity gun) HAHA, GOT YOUR SHIT?! (The Diamond is levitated it into bag)
• Arm. Soldier #3: Now let's reck there shit as our encoure of villains they'll never see again! (Blasts temple roof with plasma cannon) See you later, Cronculator! (All soldiers retreat)
• (Entire temple collapses on the entire Lodge)
• Sgt. Crush: Hell yeah, we wrecked their shit! And let's just assume that and leave..... (All soldiers take off with the Diamond in their dropships)

Chapter 8- The Chosen One Revealed

Collapsed Temple

• SpongeBob: (Pops out of rubble coughing) (Sandy, Xandy, Iago, Serpentos, and the other Lodgers pop out of rubble)
• Iago:..... NOW IT'S OUR TURN TO WRECK THEIR SHIT?!
• Lougers: "YEAH?!"
• (Lodgers, allies, and van teleported out of the area)

Xerxes' Palace

• Sgt. Crush: (Places bag with diamond down) Here's the plot device we're sure won't lead to a predictable downfall.
• Xerxes: I'M RONAN THE ACCUSER BEFORE THE MCU UNIVERSE NOW!!!!! NOW LET'S WRECK SHIT!!
• Metavincemander: YAAAY, MORE SHIT-WRECKING!!!

Buckling City

• Xerxes: (The Hydrocabiais were celebrating, thinking that Xerxes would soon fail hard, when suddenly a huge fleet of dropships arrived, with one large one leading it, and on a holographic screen, Xerxes' face appeared) ....... I'M GONNA WRECK SHIT?!
• The city got blown up by Xerxes and his staff.
• Xerxes: "..... Time to go home, obviously gonna reform shiving follower after my ineditable defeat?"
• Kung Hao: I have a strangely chinese name even though that shouldn't really exist.
• The ship zips across the sky.
• The heroes arrive.
• Xandy:..... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!
• Icky: Their shit got wrecked.
• Serpentos: Penelope can unwreck their shit by becoming choosen one.
• Penelope: And I'll gladly accept this even if it'll cost me a normal life ever since.
• Xandy: "TO XERXES' CASTLE?!"

Chapter 9- Battle For The Diamond

Tons of exciting shit later, including a homage to Ice Age 3 somewhere in there. The Throne Room Door

• Kung Hao: Here's Xerxes' throwneroom.
• Xandy: Thanks Kung Hao, even though I should totally hate you, you feeding me bird like I'm some kind of idiotic dog makes me trust you! (Suddenly a brutal muscular Metavincemander appears with a big axe) OH SHIT?!
• Xu Boom: XU BOOM CHOP!!!! (Chops Squidward, and Squidward is cartoonishly cut in half) XU BOOM CHOP! (Chops Mr. Whiskers many times, and he falls to pieces) XU BOOM CHOP! (Chops SpongeBob in half) XU BOOM CHO-
• Skipper: WE GET IT, YOUR A LOONEY TUNES REFERENCE TO WHEN THEY DID ALADDIN?! KNOCK IT OFF?!
• Xu Boom: Nope. XU BOOM CHO- (Penelope buzzes up to him, and stings him) Xu Boom, ohhhh FUCK?! (Swells up and dies)
• Penelope: Pwnd!
• Xerxes XX: AND DRAMATIC SMUG ENTERENCE!! (They all gasp to see Xerxes XX with the Diamond, and a lot of MVM Soldiers arrive and hold the Lodgers at gunpoint with disintegration guns, and Xerxes cackles) I'm here to wreck your shit!
• Xandy: Xerxes, why are you so sucky?
• Xerxes XX: My parents were killed by Sea Squirls and over an outdated water tower.
• Xandy: Bullshit!
• Computer: It's real alright!
• Xandy:....... (BURSTS INTO TEARS!)
• Xerxes:...... Wow, I didn't even need to get into details here."
• Xandy: (Still crying, but then gets better)... YOUR STILL A DICK THOUGH?!
• Xerxes: Well... I... THEN IT'S TIME TO YIFF SOME DICKS?! (Blasts laser from septar, but everyone dodges the blast)
• Penelope: GIMMIE MY DIAMOND, SALAMANDER BOY!? (Tries stinging Xerxes, but Xerxes metal armor breaks it, and she screams in pain) Oh shit! My stinger!
• Xerxes: (Cackles) Lols, worse chosen one, ever.
• Penelope: At least I'm not the one who's gonna disappear forever with any other bad salamander people except ones impourent to plot.
• Xerxes XX: Wait, wha-
• Diamond: TASTE MY SWIRLING ENERGY!!! (The Palace is erased from existence like a drain, along with Xerxes XX, his henchmen, his dead henchmen's bodies, and all the weaponry and technology they've stolen is returned back to their rightful places. Everythng in Xerxes' kingdom and power are erased from existence, with good Metas still present, Kung Hao included. and soon everything Xerxes owned has vanished, and all of Xerxes' evil antics are reseversed, Buckling City, and all of the Hydrocabiais that have died are revived, and the entire city is repaired)
• Icky:... Wow, we didn't even have to do much of everything here.
• Xandy: GREAT HELL'S FIRE!!! He vanished!
• The Diamond Heals the broken stinger of Penelope.
• Penelope: (Diamond had been broken off of Xerxes' spear)..... YOLO, MOTHA FUCKAS! (Touches diamond, and diamond glows in spiritual energy, and Penelope is given the look of a wise warrior, and the diamond is magically attached to a mystical new septar) MLG, SUCKAS!
• Icky: "Now let's wrecked the shit of that guy's group of villains we've been building up to."

Chapter 10- Redemption and Celebration

Later

• They did exactly that.

Epilogue

Dragon Guardian Temple

• Icky and Gilda were kissing.

Ruins of VA base

• Celsius: We shall return to wreck their shit.
• Narcotic: I'm hilarious and the obvious dipshit. (Gets crushed by grandfather clock) Ow!
• Celsius: (Scoffs and laughs until he gets crushed by a piano) (Muffled) OWWWWWWWW!

The End